The Sea of Uncertainty

In three months and one week I will be graduating with my BS in Mathematics. Four years of work, countless hoop jumping, and hours of learning come to this: The Sea of Uncertainty. I have been calling this next phase of life this for the last couple months because I think it captures exactly the sentiments of becoming an adult in this next phase of life. When you graduate from high school there is a general path you just know to follow; you go to college and get a degree. When you graduate from college there is no real direction. The next step is "get a job" but that could mean literally anything.

I have been dreaming lately. I have been dreaming about my life post-college. I have been reassured that I will have a job offer as a dual endorsed teacher in no time, but that is so open. Where will I work? Where will I live? The unanswerable questions are endless. And you know what, despite every bone in my plan-oriented body, I am okay without the answers right now.

I have always been provided for. The right opportunity always presents itself. Life unfolds at it is meant to be. This has been a journey for me, coming to a place of accepting that everything is unclear at this moment. I am a bit of a control freak about my life. I like things planned and neat. I like to map things out in my head and watch them unfold exactly as prescribed. However, I have learned to accept the fact that I can take steps to make things to go as I anticipate, but in reality not much is up to me. I can apply to districts I want to work in, but I can't give myself a job. My living situation will be determined by cost and location. I have no say in the people I work with or the students I will have. Hardly anything is in my control. But it is okay because life unfolds as it is intended and I can put my faith in the fact that things that are beyond my control are better that way. How could I ever joyful receive all the blessings that are intended for me if it was all up to me?

As I walk into the Sea of Uncertainty, for once in my life I am okay with not knowing the plan. I am okay not knowing where I will work or live. Not knowing when I will marry or what career steps I will take. I am okay with not having any clue what life will look like beyond August because I am sure that no matter how it all plays out, it will be exactly as it was intended to be.